Calling failed songwriters

If you’ve ever written a song that you think is great but you’re knocked back by the record labels, there’s one place you can go to that guarantees you’ll be published: the church.

I’m convinced people who write such tunes and psalms are all failed songwriters because the melodies are a mess, and the lyrics rarely scan to fit the tune. Just come up with some random, tenuous metaphor, throw in the odd ecclesiastical phrase or word, chop out some letters to make it fit and away you go.

You have no excuse really: fame, and a mention in a badly-written book, awaits.