If you haven’t guessed by the name of the domain, I’m Stef Dawson and this is my corner of cyberspace dedicated to all things random. I’m gullible, massively overweight, supposed to add my name to a chain letter so Bill Gates will make poverty history, won't pull women unless I lose my beer gut, and my vices are cheap medication, Tramadol, voyeurism, and young girls … or so the spam companies appear to think. I’m also a bit cunning. That’s me over there. No, not that way, that picture over there. How many people look like that who aren’t in the loony bin?
At the moment I’m too lazy to finish the site. Not that a website should ever be deemed ‘finished’ per se, but at the very least it should have content worthy of reading, and perhaps some cute pictures of kittens. Ergo, with it somewhat lacking on both these counts, this site is labelled Work In Progress and is subject to change that could make the water go down the plug-hole the wrong way.
In case you’re the sort of person that twitches like a fourteen-year-old schoolgirl without her iPhone if you don’t tweet every 8 minutes to show your friends how exciting you are, check out the latest happenings to prove just how glacial my site updates are. Alternatively you could be awed by such recentness as:
Play Crouching Badger, Hidden Terror Mashup the title of the rubbish film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to improve it. Plug smd_each Allows you to iterate over variables and process each one with a Textpattern form. Very useful for processing user input from an HTML form or simply looping over variable… Post COVID-19: it's not all about the numbers I’m not going to apologise for this coronavirus post. It’s likely to piss you off. That’s the point. Check you’re wearing your big trousers then dive in if you think you can handle it.
You might also enjoy the blog post entitled Why I love Textpattern, but there’s always the possibility you think it rotted a few brain cells. For those who crave even more immediacy you can find me on Facebook or you can join the disciples awaiting my first utterance on Twatter.
If you’re in any way dissatisfied with what’s going on amid these bytes, feel free to send me an email and I’ll either send you back an estimate of when I’ll get this site firing on more than one cylinder1 or point at your genitals and laugh.
1 fineprint: One estimate per customer. Management reserve the right for the estimate to be within three decades (plus or minus) of the actual time the site works properly. No correspondence (after the initial correspondence of course) will be entered into. English teachers please forgive the last sentence ending with a preposition. Calls cost no more than thruppence a second and last for a week. Calls may be monitored for training porpoises. The editor’s decision is unanimous and his own, so ner.