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If you haven’t guessed by the name of the domain, I’m Stef Dawson and this is my corner of cyberspace dedicated to all things random. I’m massively overweight, unable to get an erection, have received a greeting card from a soulmate, keep slipping out during lovemaking, and my vices are cupcakes, illegal software, poker, and young girls … or so the spam companies appear to think. I’m also a bit strange. That’s me over there. No, not that way, that picture over there. How many people look like that who aren’t in the loony bin?

At the moment I’m too lazy to finish the site. Not that a website should ever be deemed ‘finished’ per se, but at the very least it should have content worthy of reading, and perhaps models in skimpy underwear. Ergo, with it somewhat lacking on both these counts, this site is labelled Work In Progress and is subject to change that could cut text off at any mome...

In case you’re the sort of person that twitches like a coked-up junkie if you don’t tweet every 8 minutes to show your friends how exciting you are, check out the latest happenings to prove just how glacial my site updates are. Alternatively you could do worse than try one of these recent(ish) entries:

Play Crouching Badger, Hidden Terror Mashup the title of the rubbish film Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon to improve it. Plug smd_if Generic conditional logic for doing if this AND that in Textpattern. Compare article id, image, category, section, custom field, url variables, server variables, txp:vari… Post The isolation protocol: one plus one equals eight I’m still scratching my head over the COVID-19 isolation rules. To the best of my ability, I’ve summarised them here by taking the plight of two very similar people and comparing their fates in The New Normal.

You might also enjoy the blog post entitled Smoky and the binned it, but there’s always the possibility you think it missed the target. For those who crave even more immediacy you can find me on Facebook or you can join the interesteds awaiting my first utterance on Twatter.

If you’re in any way dissatisfied with what’s going on amid these bytes, feel free to send me an email and I’ll either send you back an estimate of when I’ll get this site firing on more than one cylinder1 or point at your genitals and laugh.

1 fineprint: One estimate per customer. Management reserve the right for the estimate to be within three decades (plus or minus) of the actual time the site works properly. No correspondence (after the initial correspondence of course) will be entered into. English teachers please forgive the last sentence ending with a preposition. Calls cost no more than thruppence a second and last for a week. Calls may be monitored for training porpoises. The editor’s decision is unanimous and his own, so ner.