Take the bread... go on, have it all

c: | f: /

When swans go bad, the bread goes by the wayside.

Just been to the park to feed the ducks. Except there weren’t many about; just a load of swans. A cute baby, errr, what are they called… swanlet?… whatever, approached. So we chucked a bit of bread and it gobbled it up. Then, what I assumed was the parent marched up so I threw some bread in its direction. It went down well.

We threw a few more pieces and started to attract more and more attention from the swans in the water as they all piled onto the land and milled around us. Some of them were approaching what I would term “threateningly close”, though it was difficult to tell if they were happy with the tidbits or thought they’d have a chance fighting me for the loaf. I swear I heard one of them quack “GiveUsYourBread”.

By this time I was chucking bits of bread at quite a pace and backing off as the swans kept on coming. I started wondering if I’d somehow pissed them off or they thought I’d come to eat their young or something. Everywhere I turned there were swans ganging up on me. I suddenly knew how Michael Jackson felt in Thriller.

Then I thought back to those stories you hear about swans being strong enough to break your arm. Besides the fact my arms are like two twigs tied to a post, I wasn’t willing to find out. I crushed the contents of the bag, up-ended it and ran as the swans scrambled for the crumbs.

They never gave up and still carried on following me up the hill. I’ve never been stalked by swans before and can’t say I’m in any hurry to repeat the experience. But the question remains: can a swan really break your arm or is it an urban legend? Anybody know anyone who has?

3 muppets could be bothered to write something

    Julián Landerreche

    Noooooo, not your arms! Human race still needs your coding abilities!

    I’ll fly to UK with a big knife and will cut those swans’ throats if they dare to hurt you a nail.

    Regarding your question, you may find interesting to read some quotes of swan eminences here:


    Particularly, the one by Andy from Swanuk.org.

    PS: testing the anti-SPAM thingie.

    Jonathan Stubbs

    Maybe the swans were just hungry and liked your bread…!

    Testing your anti-spam device..

    Stef Dawson

    Ahaaa, so it is a load of rubbish unless the person being attacked is old, frail, or small. Thanks for the link.

    I assume that the swans in question thought I was going to attack their littl’uns, which got up their swanny orange noses. Perhaps they merely appeared interested in my bread to see how much of a coward I was and if I was going to give it up.

    It was lucky for the swans I hadn’t just been playing Unreal Tournament or the outcome might have been very different. I doubt they would have enjoyed the wrong end of my Redeemer.

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