Lakeland: world of pointless

c: | f: /

I’ve just been reminded of all the household delights I’m missing. My home is incomplete.

We’ve somehow managed to get on the distribution list for the Lakeland catalogue. This natty magazine is jam packed with fanciful products that presumably appeal to bored housewives or people with more money than sense. It’s like the old Innovations catalogue that was wedged inside your Sunday paper during the 80s & 90s.

For instance, if I was so inclined, I could buy:

  • Spider sucker — because a glass and a mat are way too lo-tech
  • Ceramic garlic pot — every good home needs one
  • Digital luggage scale — because conventional scales or good old estimation just don’t cut it these days
  • A bread maker — costs £130 and a loaf in the shops is £1. When you factor in the raw ingredients, the 6 hours of electricity involved per loaf and the inevitable squishy failures, you have to make a loooot of bread to begin to break even
  • Magnetic toast tongs — I’ve never made magnetic toast, but clearly I’ve never lived
  • An electric gravy warmer — how did I ever survive without this gadget?
  • Electric food sealer — wow, I could pop leftovers in a bag and laminate them for prosperity

Seriously, who buys this stuff?

2 goats could be bothered to write something


    Actually, my Mum (from the Innovations catalogue anyway)!. Coiled hose? Check. CD organiser for the car? Check. Spiked show lawn aerators? Check. Sadly, quite a few of these have ended up with as presents. And people wonder why I hate Christmas so much!

    Having been on a more than a few planes recently, this reminds of the duty-free catalogues in every seat pocket.
    Just who is it that gets on a plane, sees the catalogue and thinks “I never realised before just how much I needed one of those. Even though I already have enough stuff to carry around, I think I really need that portable scanner.” Yep, watch a guy in economy class by one of these, then open it up and read the instructions, leave plastic wrapping all over his neighbours and then struggle to find somewhere to shove it in his his luggage.

    Stef Dawson

    Hehehe, I’d forgotten about duty free. Yes, equally pointless junk. In addition to the bewildering array of ‘must have’ business gadgets and inflatable aeroplanes for kids, they always peddle mainstay rubbish like watches and perfume in case you’ve inadvertently forgotten to buy your significant other a present from the visited country and you need something to say “I forgot you”.

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