Election rematch

A hung parliament doesn’t mean the end of the world for Britain. Far from it.

Let’s give the respective parties three weeks in which to each make a Eurovision song entry and we can then have an X-Factor song-off in Oslo to decide who deserves to run the country. The advantages:

• The rest of Europe can have a say, and they all hate us anyway
• The tactical voting that goes on in the Eurovision Song Contest is no more a farce than our current system of ‘democracy’
• We get to hear Bob Ainsworth (a.k.a. Pro-EU/ID card MP Biggus Twatus) sing

The BBC will trip over themselves to wheel out the celebs, ensuring condescending platitudes and technical gaffes asunder.

Everyone’s a winner.