Cameron the idle

Throughout history, people in power have been assigned nicknames: The Iron Lady, Teflon Tony, Ethelred the Unready, and so forth. As the EU referendum political spin machine ramps up to dizzying speeds and the government mouthpiece — the supposedly impartial BBC — shifts its ratio of Stay/Leave news stories to 7/3 (thus proving my point about referenda) I started to think about exactly why Cameron is so hell-bent on staying in Europe.

I mean, the guy’s committed to spreading the highest levels of Fear, Uncertainty and Doubt — it really is textbook FUD — telling us every single day that leaving the EU would be devastating for every person, plant and animal in a 4000-mile radius, taxes will rise, unemployment will rise, recession will ensue, rivers will turn to blood, etc.

On the other side, the Leave campaigners are plucking random numbers out of their arses stating how much better off we’d be, financially and otherwise, by not paying into a central fund, having control of our borders, yahde yahde.

Both sides are guilty of supplying smoke, mirrors, and guesswork to woo us one way or the other. Neither route is good for the country, or its people. If we leave, there’ll probably be a few years of hardship now as everyone adjusts. If we stay, the short-term prospects — for the length of Cameron’s reign at least — will probably be tolerable, but there’ll be far greater hardship further down the line when the EU as an entity collapses, with Spain, Portugal and Ireland (at minimum) the next in line to go the same way Greece has. At least if we’re out of the EU, we won’t be saddled with helping to bail out failing countries — which is a cost none of the campaigners have factored into the media mud-slinging match.

The bottom line is that nobody knows how things are going to play out for the UK, no matter which way the vote goes. One thing is certain: the EU’s shaky birth via political infighting, one-upmanship, greed and control doesn’t exactly instil confidence in politicians to manage our continued involvement with Brussels. Heck, Cameron can barely keep the country together with their help.

But I think his motives for staying in bed with Europe are simple: he’s lazy.

When the votes are in, counted by “independent” government-appointed employees (so the clue to the result is there already), imagine if you will, a future where Britain remains part of the EU. Nothing changes. Life goes on. Cameron lives out his term.

Now imagine the spin machine fails and we vote to leave. All of a sudden, over the next few years, Cameron has to:

• unpick existing trade deals;
• forge new trade deals, not just with one central entity, but with individual countries too;
• agree amended subsidies with unions;
• re-evaluate and manage our currency when the city boys panic at losing a few quid in the short term;
• renegotiate countless UK laws that have crept in via the back door under the EU;
• …

It’s a truckload of work. He’d far rather sit on his butt for the remainder of his term, make a new deal with America under the TTIP or the TPP to erode our rights, freedom and food safety (among other things), continue to line the pockets of himself and his city chums, plunder our natural habitat, and privatise the fuck out of everything, even if it turns a profit (such as the Land Registry).

So next time you see him telling us that it’s super-vitally important that we stay in Europe, spare a thought for the fact that he’s more than likely doing it for his own self-interest because he can’t be arsed to put in the graft required. And then vote whichever way feels right in your heart:

Out = pain now.
In = more pain later.