Donald Bauer

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Jack Bauer is the new Chuck Norris of hard.

Do you think Donald Sutherland is, like, totally stoked to have Jack Bauer for a son? How proud must he feel to know that his offspring has saved America so many times from random acts of terror.

As proof of Jack’s awesomeness, here are a few choice facts pilfered from the Internet:

  1. If everyone listened to Jack Bauer, the show would be called 12
  2. Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction
  3. When a terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death
  4. On Jack Bauer’s Tax Return, he has to claim the entire world are his dependents
  5. Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Jack Bauer can kill 100% of whatever the fuck he wants

Donald: we salute you for taking time out of your busy schedule to perform the horizontal hokey cokey with Mrs Sutherland-Bauer. The world is a better place.

Spout 'em if you got 'em


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