Jack Bauer is the new Chuck Norris of hard.
Do you think Donald Sutherland is, like, totally stoked to have Jack Bauer for a son? How proud must he feel to know that his offspring has saved America so many times from random acts of terror.
As proof of Jack’s awesomeness, here are a few choice facts pilfered from the Internet:
- If everyone listened to Jack Bauer, the show would be called 12
- Jack Bauer never retreats, he just attacks in the opposite direction
- When a terrorist was sentenced to face Jack Bauer, he appealed to have the sentence reduced to death
- On Jack Bauer’s Tax Return, he has to claim the entire world are his dependents
- Leading hand sanitizers claim they can kill 99.9% of germs. Jack Bauer can kill 100% of whatever the fuck he wants
Donald: we salute you for taking time out of your busy schedule to perform the horizontal hokey cokey with Mrs Sutherland-Bauer. The world is a better place.