Desperation in spam world

Here are a bunch of spam subject lines that companies have paid someone to send me this week. Not to my home accounts because I’m too wily to receive spam, but my work address, which was harvested a few days after I started thanks to someone else in the company with a crap password, has delighted me with offers abound.

Regular spam can’t be paying the rent these days so they’re trying more and more desperate subject lines to entice clickage:

1. Your blood test results: because, yeah, the NHS always divulge this type of information via email. Regardless that I’ve never had a blood test.
2. HMRC tax refund: presumably they mean the government and not Ronald McDonald.
3. Stefan, 70% off in the next 12 hours. Last chance: the subject doesn’t divulge to what the percentage entitles me. Presumably drugs.
4. (the next day) Hi Stefan, Last chance for 70% off in the next 36 hours: well which is it, 12 hours or 36 hours? Let me know so I can make an informed decision about all those meds I need. Would hate to miss out.
5. Arrange delivery of your FedEx package. I’m not expecting anything. And there are spelling errors in the email along with an executable file attachment. And the logo looks like it was drawn by a clockwork hamster. Seems totally legit.
6. Hello Stefan, Today 72 Hours-60% OFF: How many hours do they think are in a day? Disappointed I only get 60% off now, but maybe I should have taken the offer the day before. Regardless, I can’t keep up with all the kindness I’m being offered. One caveat is that I’d run the risk of exploding if I ordered drugs from all of them. Maybe that’s their plan.

Can’t wait to find out what these determined corporations can come up with next.