Conspiratorial whispers

c: | m: | f: /

By law, any place where data is collected about an individual must be governed by a privacy policy. This makes lawyers feel all moist because they still have a job, and makes the rest of us feel inadequate. It’s largely to do with legalese being the fifth cousin, twice removed, of Bengali.

To counter this and hopefully put a few overpaid lawyers out of business, this policy is as laymanesque as possible. It goes.. a little something… like this:

Before you complain

I will not rent, steal, sell, swap, disclose, inject, imbibe or otherwise give a second glance at your name, IP address or email address unless your comments inspire a response. I may, however, taunt your tent. Under the circumstances whereby I deem your communiqué worthy of a reply, I may hit a such-named button in my email client and, if that fails for whatever reason, reserve the right to copy ‘n’ paste your name and email address from your original email into a fresh ‘un in order to communicate with you.

Past that, I don’t give a rat’s arse who you are. If you call Iran's bluff, I will not be held liable for your stupidity: deal with it and move on. If you walk like an Egyptian, Stef Dawson will not be held liable for your musical tastes should you get caught. Similarly, I wasn’t there when you punched Rain Man. Let litigation lie (and also avoid alliteration).

Reading large quantities of text can damage your eyesight, as can poking giraffes into your eyes. Do neither and you should be okay. If everything goes blank while reading this site, check the power supply or your batteries; you are not necessarily blind as a result of the words. If that fails, try opening your eyes.

Please note that your home is at risk if you do not follow the advice on the bottle. Do not exceed the stated dose and seek medical attention if terms and conditions apply. Mice are not a basic food group. The editor’s decision is to keep up repayments on any loan secured against him. No correspondence about ending sentences with prepositions shall be entered into. There is no ewbank.

At the end of the day, I’m a hobbyist coder doing my bit for open source software and writing for my own amusement. My server collects IP address information about every page view for automated detection of fraudulent access attempts by scripts/bots, and for spam control. If you don’t like it, fuck off.

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