By law, any place where data is collected about an individual must be governed by a privacy policy. This makes lawyers feel all moist because they still have a job, and makes the rest of us feel inadequate. It’s largely to do with legalese being the fifth cousin, thrice removed, of Bengali.
To counter this and hopefully put a few overpaid lawyers out of business, this policy is as laymanesque as possible. It goes.. a little something… like this:
Before you complain
I will not rent, steal, sell, swap, disclose, inject, imbibe or otherwise give a second glance at your name and email address unless your comments inspire a response. I may, however, taunt your gnomes. Under the circumstances whereby I deem your communiqué worthy of a reply, I may hit a such-named button in my email client (which is not any derivative of Outlook because they all blow goats) and, if that fails for whatever reason, reserve the right to copy ‘n’ paste your name and email address from your original email into a fresh ‘un in order to communicate with you.
Past that, I don’t give a rat’s arse who you are. If you call Iran's bluff, I will not be held liable for your stupidity: deal with it and move on. If you can feel it coming in the air tonight, Stef Dawson will not be held liable for your musical tastes should you get caught. Similarly, I wasn’t there when you went down on your intern. Let litigation lie (and also avoid alliteration).
Reading large quantities of text can damage your eyesight, as can poking giraffes into your retinae. Do neither and you should be OK. If everything goes blank while reading this site, check the power supply or your batteries; you are not necessarily blind as a result of the words. If that fails, try opening your eyes. Please note that your home is at risk if you do not follow the advice on the bottle. Do not exceed the stated dose and seek medical attention if terms and conditions apply. Fan ovens are not a basic food group. The editor’s decision is to keep up repayments on any loan secured against him. No correspondence about ending sentences with prepositions shall be entered into. There is no crustacean.
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